In Which it was 2005 and I Began my College Days: Part One

Disclaimer:  These are my personal memories, and the details may be slightly hazy.  However, I will do my best to recount the days of my past as accurately as possible.  Please enjoy!

It was my senior year in high school, Class of 2005, and arguably my laziest to date.  I had completed the necessary courses for my standard diploma and filled the rest of my school schedule with “easy A’s”.  Drama, choir, English, and a strange class called “Teacher’s Assistant”.  I liked to call that one “Free Art Class” because that’s what I did the entire semester.  It was just an empty space in my schedule, but it had to be filled because I couldn’t graduate early, so I at least made it worth my time. 

One morning, I was reminded, along with the entire Senior student body, that we needed to set up an appointment with the Guidance Counselor to talk about our ‘future careers’ and ‘college plans’.  I had a vague idea of what to expect, and by vague I really mean “College is somehow free, I can skip class as much as I want, go whenever I want, and live on campus, and come out with a degree that guarantees me a career for the rest of my life” vague.  Needless to say, my naiveté was vast and relentless.  To my credit, however, my high school teachers and staff were not very clear on what exactly college life entails, so I was haphazardly left to my own devices to figure out what exactly I would be experiencing.   

I would ride the bus home and think about all the good things that college would be.  It was rumored that college was nothing like high school.  It was much more laid back.  Nobody really picked on you for your lack of fashion sense or if your hair was dyed, because it was a place filled with students that had multi-colored hair, who went to class in their pajamas, and sat in the back of the room as they either caught up on sleep or fiddled with their cellphones.  There would be no point in even taking notes because the teachers would just post it online to the class website.  You only needed to show up for attendance. 

When class was over for the day, you wouldn't have to leave!  You could just walk around on campus, drinking coffee or getting free meals from the cafeteria; clearly pre-paid by the vast amounts of Grants and Scholarships that had no bounds and were available to everybody who ‘opted in’ to this whole college thing.  You’d probably just show them a card or something at every store and they’d swipe it, all while wearing a “Welcome to your Brand-New, Pristine, College Life” smile as 50’s style elevator music played from the ceiling speakers.  Do you need to buy your books for class?  Look no further than the Book Store located right on campus.  Just walk in, hand them your class schedule, and your books will be given to you absolutely free!  That’s right, no charge!  This isn’t the grim ‘outside’ world, after all.  Here, you are taken care of.  Here, you are successful. 

Do you want to call it a day and head on to get some sleep for the night?  Well you absolutely can!  Just walk over to the luxurious and spacious college dorms, offer your name to the RA in the front hallway, and they will guide you to your new living quarters.  Whether you’re an early riser or a night owl, they’ve got you covered.  Are you an anti-social hermit, or a party animal?  It doesn’t matter; they have everything to accommodate your specific style of living!  Enjoy your brand new furniture, TV, mini-fridge, and daily meals brought to your room right on time.  And for those students who are especially studious, you’ll be offered a free, top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art, computer of your choice!  It comes complete with the fastest and most reliable internet in the country! 

But let’s not forget the true meaning of what it means to go to college.  After all, you’re here for a reason, and a thumpin’ good one at that!  It’s all about education of the next generation.  And it’s no secret either; your parents and their parents before you have been able to reach their career goals with higher education and receiving their college degrees, just like that!  When you have a college degree, anything is possible for your career goals, even achieving the American Dream!  It’s simple:  Just show up for class, receive your assignments, get along with your peers and classmates, turn in your completed homework, ace those midterms and finals, and you’ll be walking down the aisle in no time.  With our 24/7 staff and tutoring facilities, full of teachers and mentors who are ready and willing to mold and shape your pliant minds, chances of failure are at an all-time low! 

After your graduation, you can begin your path to a lifetime career right away with our daily job fairs.  You’ll be able to live worry-free, in a nice house within a nice neighborhood, and hey, go ahead and get that nice new car too!  You can afford everything with your highly paying new job, so be proud and enjoy your new life!  You’ve made your parents proud, impressed your friends, made your enemies jealous, and achieved that beautiful American Dream.  Congratulations!

So with all of that in mind, I had swallowed the sweet little lie of what it would mean to go to college and pursue higher education.  That is how I see it now, here in the end days of July 2013.  I say that simply because, even with all the over-the-top and pie-in-the-sky ideas that I had of what college life was going to be and where it was going to get me, there is still a solid grain of truth in it.  Turns out that money plays so much more of a role than what I had ever imagined.

End Part One.  Stay tuned for Part Two!